My relationship with men is complicated. While I love the idea of a hot, muscular, and intelligent guy sweeping me off my feet, their hang-ups – being needy, clingy, controlling – are enough to drive me away. Oftentimes I find myself thinking of giving up on men, but whenever I see someone gorgeous, I want to scream, “Why can’t I quit you?“
I’m slowly being re-introduced to the whole chemistry thing because I started dating again this year. Allow me to channel Jourdan Miller from America’s Next Top Model Cycle 20 and reiterate that I haven’t had a boyfriend in three years so I’m a bit rusty when it comes to dating.
I haven’t had the time to date because of my many projects (another Jourdan moment, sorry). This year I went out with only two guys (a far cry from my previous years, when I would date two guys a month on average). I guess I did some growing over the past few months and now I’m ready to open myself up to a romantic possibility. I credit my solo trip to Hong Kong as a cathartic experience.
As I start opening myself up again, I need a refresher on the dynamics of the dating scene. Below are some of the guys I encountered during my colorful past as a a serial dater and who I’m sure I will encounter again:
2. That guy you enjoy going out with, yet have no feelings of lust for. These are the guys you take everywhere. You have similar interests, are on the same wavelength, and they can tolerate all your hangups and flaws. You enjoy their company, and you genuinely like them, but the thought of having sex with them makes you cringe. I personally think that sexual chemistry is just as important as spiritual chemistry because what else is there to do when you find yourselves alone, at home, and in bed?
3. That guy you enjoy hanging out with, having sex with, and everything in between, but you have no desire to be in a relationship with. For me, these are the guys you can invite over for a passionate tryst and still have the desire to talk to after. Granted, most of our dates were spent in bed, and we have never gone out, but there is a special bond between us strengthened by the spiritual act of sex. I’m not sure how it’ll fly if we actually go out, and I’m not sure I’d recognize them in broad daylight – or with their clothes on.
4. That guy you take out to give your ego a boost. I don’t have guys like these, but I can imagine some people having someone they can go out with if their self-esteem needs a boost. I’d rather boost my ego doing something else (like saying something witty on Twitter or announcing on Grindr that I’m looking for sex and seeing how many people will respond), but if that’s how other people nurse their wounded egos, then so be it. They better be prepared for the consequences, though.
5. That guy you like, but who doesn’t like you back. Tough luck. Hey, we can’t always get what we want. It’s all a matter of personal taste and if they don’t dig you, you have to respect their decision and back away. It takes a big man to admit defeat and if you can do this, it means you’re emotionally mature. Real life doesn’t work the same way in movies where you end up with your first love. You will not always get the girl. This is a heartbreaking experience but to be fair, you don’t always like the people who like you.
5. That guy you actually, truly like, the one you would like get jiggy with, and share the most mundane, carnal, and sacred moments with. And who wants the same thing from you. The feeling when the person you like likes you back is something that can only be described as magical. Enough said.
I’m not seeing anyone right now but I’m okay. As the postmodern philosopher Swedish House Mafia once said, “don’t you worry, child, heaven’s got a plan for you.” In the meantime, I just have to put my game face on and face the world. And if it doesn’t work out, I just have to cry it out, wash my face, and say “next.”