In the Philippines, the word bisexual has become a misnomer, commonly referring to gay men who are in the closet regardless of behavior. I think it’s really stupid and what’s worse, because of its proliferation, the true meaning of bisexuality has been buried beneath identical fashion choices and thick layers of makeup.
I always thought I was gay. I haven’t had a girlfriend in years and I thought I would never have one again. I’m not trying to say that I’m going to have one but maybe I would. I think now is the time for me to reveal this little secret. I still get crushes on girls.
Of course I’ve known this all my life. It suddenly swam back to my consciousness last Thursday when Daday, the helper of the Koreans who live across the street told me that one of the Koreans has a huge crush on me. I usually don’t mind when girls like me, thinking it would eventually wear off in the long run. However, on my way to school that day, I was entertaining the notion of having a girlfriend.
The term bisexuality has become so misused that I don’t want to associate myself with it. Instead of calling myself bisexual and having both masculine and feminine genders, I would call myself asexual. I like boys. I like girls. Sometimes I like one over the other. Sometimes I like both at the same time. Sometimes I don’t like either. The politically correct term would be bisexual leaning on homosexual, but what the hey. When have I been politically correct?
Armed with this idea, I was at Emba last Friday with Kathy and the Fashion Flock. Kathy and I were with bff Arvin last Wednesday to interview him for our thesis on eating disorders and who better to interview than my anorexic bff? After the interview, we agreed to go to Emba on Friday. There was actually a mishap that happened when bff Arvin forgot to put Kathy and me on the VIP list but we just paid the door charge and got in. After getting drunk on vodka tonics and Cuba Libres, I thought that I would be intoxicated enough to try my little social experiment. Unfortunately, I ogled more at the guys than the girls. So much for my supposed asexuality.
On my way home this evening after an exhausting day in Mall of Asia filming a project for Social Psychology, I realized that heterosexuality, bisexuality, homosexuality, and in my case asexuality is one and the same. We like boys, girls, both, and neither. The point is, we like people. I believe in destiny, but I also believe that we make our own destiny. I don’t think that our soulmate is pre-ordained and will be brought to us at the right place at the right time. And it doesn’t necessarily have to follow the standards we’ve set. As I’ve said in my previous entry, we choose our soulmates and work for it and fight for it until you are each other’s destinies; regardless of looks, intelligence and ultimately, gender. And that makes us all bisexual. Or in my vocabulary, asexual.