Geisha for rent [my mom played the subtitle]

Tonight my mom threw this dinner party as a farewell get-together for her japanese friend. I kind of got annoyed because my mom told me last minute [she told me like half an hour before they arrived], but I managed to pull a look off within 10 minutes. Luckily, I took a bath already so all I needed to do was change costumes and pile on 10 pounds of hair products.

So there we were, at the table, me, my mom, the japanese, and Santos, my mom’s boyfriend. I felt kind of sorry for the japanese because he couldn’t speak neither Filipino or English, so my mom took the post of translator. I may be half-sushi, but I hardly spoke japanese [though I could understand part of their conversation], and Santos is chinese.

The japanese and I got to talk about the differences between the Japanese and Filipino culture, but it was really difficult because I had to look at the Japanese while he spoke to me in gibberish, [with a smile plastered on my face, pretending I understood what he was saying], and then I had to look at my mom, who would translate. After that, I had to answer to the Japanese, which my mom would translate after. I felt silly because I had no idea whether to speak in English or in Filipino [I chose English to be polite], because either way, he wouldn’t be able to understand what I was saying. I wanted to laugh because the conversation was like a typical Chinese movie. The japanese and I were the characters and my mom was the subtitle. All throughout the meal I was hoping my mom and Santos would leave for a while [a convenient excuse, say for example, a hippo from the Avalon Zoo escaped and ate the car], and then I would say something insensate to the Japanese and see how he would respond. For example:

Koji: Kumekemelar eclavou chenelyn chenelyn de kimberlin chenes. [I would gesticulate with my hands to simulate telling a story]

the japanese: [i have no idea how he would react, but here is my educated guess] hai, hai, sanyo, fujitsu, nintendo, wii [though i guess he would just nod and smile and pretend he got what i meant]

So while I was trying hard not to choke on the gravy, I willed myself not to laugh out loud, and tried to focus on what he was saying. While I was waiting for my mom to begin translating, I thought about how hard it must have been for him, being the only person at the table who couldn’t speak the native language. If I were to have dinner with a foreigner friend and his family, I would be paranoid as hell if they started speaking their language, most especially if they laughed.

I was glad when the dinner ended [boy, he took his time eating], because they left right after. Despite my feeling sorry for him [pity is too strong a word], I really like him. He’s a great guy. After the meal, he handed me some money. I don’t know. He must have thought I was a geisha or something.

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