I got to talking to a good friend about faith. I invited him over for dinner earlier this week because we haven’t seen each other in a while. Over pasta, I told him of my most recent conquest which ended in failure. He consoled me and I told him I’d bounce back, saying I’m not the type of guy who dwells on mistakes. I’m cutthroat with everything and I pride myself for being “professional.” It backfired this time but I’m saving that for another entry.
“True,” he said. “Plus you won’t have a hard time finding dates because you’re always out.”
I suppose that’s true. I have a lot of friends and I meet many more because of my involvement in school and the amount of time I spend online and in parties. I’m generally a friendly person so my amiability is sometimes misconstrued for outright flirtation. I get into a lot of trouble because of that. Sometimes it gets me dates.
“I bet you were dating other guys while you were dating him,” he said.
I laughed and said no. I may be a “flirt” but when I meet someone I like, I’m loyal. Dating is like a commitment to me. What he said struck me as funny because he wasn’t exactly the poster child for fidelity. He had a girlfriend but he was seeing someone else at the side. He proceeded to tell me about them and I wondered, why do people have affairs?
I’ve met both girls and they’re lovely. His first (and legal) girlfriend is a licensed counselor at a university in Manila and is beautiful, successful, and financially stable. I’ve known her before they got together and she’s great. His second girlfriend is his co-worker, who is just as charming. I’ve met her on several occasions and she’s funny and easygoing.
Why cheat? His girlfriend is a mature and intelligent woman who has it all. Is it a need to conquer new grounds? Is it a natural instinct to find someone more beautiful, more intelligent? We’ve heard of celebrity bombshells who were dumped by their partners. Hello, Jennifer Aniston?
I think it’s a desire for us to have the best all the time. Once we tire of something, we look for something more exciting. In a sense, we are just like kids. We always want what we don’t have.
My friend and I met again for drinks days later with some of our other friends. Earlier that day, he was with his second girlfriend and the first kept texting us asking of his whereabouts. That’s why I don’t like having affairs: I don’t have the time and the energy to entertain two or more guys. He got into a huge argument and we decided to drive to Tagaytay to cool off.
On the way (we got into a little accident but I’m also saving that for another entry), he told us about his first girlfriend. She wasn’t there emotionally and they fought all the time and she could be tactless. I didn’t mind because I didn’t want to interfere with their relationship but he was fed up.
And then I realized why we have affairs. It’s not because there’s a higher mountain to climb or an even more beautiful city to explore (although that could be the case), but because there’s something missing in our relationship which we try to get from other people. I mentally googled my friend’s second girlfriend: she was caring, she knew how to listen, and she was sensitive to his needs. No wonder.
The problem is, we can’t get everything we want from one partner. But I guess it’s just a question of finding the right one who can give us the most of what we want and to just forget the rest and accept our partner’s imperfections.