Just for the sake of being vague, allow me to say this: I miss my heartbeat for you.
Lately, I’m being bothered by a new set of emotions. Actually, I wouldn’t call it an emotion because it’s more of a state – but it’s the accompanying emotions of this state that’s bothering me.
I believe in the theory that we as a people grow through conflict. Serious or otherwise, every individual goes through some sort of problem each day. Oddly, I don’t have any. Every aspect of my life is running smoothly. I have stellar grades, I recently got hold of two important positions in two separate councils in my school, I have great relations with my colleagues, professors, and friends, and to top it off – I have a kicking love life. And that’s what’s bothering me. Everything is going well. Too well.
I believe that it is conflict that makes our life interesting. Exciting. It makes for a silly anectode, a great story, a fabulous ice-breaker, and a reason to get together on a weeknight to drink with supportive friends. We learn through conflict. We grow through conflict. I fear that if my life stays this way, I would remain stagnant – rotting in my wonderland existence of WASPy persuasion.
My guy, who we will refer to as A, says that this is normal. It is, in fact, what we should feel. Have I reached a tensionless state that can only be achieved through hypnosis? Analyze that, Mr. Freud. Freud would probably say that I’ve let go of my oral fixation, or resolved my birth trauma, but I guess you could sum up what I’m going through as a clean conscience.
This feeling is weird. The feeling of not worrying about anything is totally new to me. But I like it.