Sino ba ang hinahanap mo, andito lang naman ako. Mahal kita, ikaw lang at wala ng iba.

Yesterday my friends and I went to Alabang to throw a surprise party for our friend’s birthday. Throwing that party was especially hard because certain situations with the girl he’s dating is affecting his temperament. Trouble is, the girl that he’s dating is also in our circle. Yet, in spite of the paramount trouble we were faced with, I put a lot of effort into it (I did most of the planning) and managed to pull off the impossible. I must admit, one of the reasons why I really wanted to surprise him was because he is someone I’ve been crushing on since the first day of class. Actually, he is my closest guy (straight) friend in Perpetual.

Everything went well. He and his girl were smooth sailing; all my good friends were there, especially Miko who rarely hangs out with us after class (I love you, Miko!! :D); and of course, there was booze. So while we were doing shots and gossiping, there came a point where everyone started confessing things. I was already high as a kite, and this boy, the boy I have feelings for, suddenly confessed how he had feelings for me that was beyond platonic! He admitted that once in a while he had thoughts about courting me and being my partner. His exact words were: minsan iniisip ko gusto kong boyfriend-in si Koji. I was shocked. No, I was overwhelmed. By the way, let me make it clear that he does not feel this anymore, and that he is madly in love with his girl.

Of course I was flattered. Boy, was I. Imagine crushing on a straight guy and he tells you flat out he wants you to be his boyfriend. Yes, this guy is straight. Trust me, I can attest to his heterosexuality.

Though I was tickled pink, I was embarrassed. I couldn’t look him in the eye, and I couldn’t talk to him. For some reason, I was also mad. Of course a part of it stemmed from jealousy. The girl actually wants to stop seeing him but the poor boy is obsessed.

I just wish he didn’t tell me that. I think it would have been better off for me not knowing he felt that way. It’s pathetic, but now a part of me is hoping that those feelings would return and he would one day look at me and take my breath away. I know I’m not supposed to because he’s in love with the girl, but I can’t help myself from feeling what I’m feeling now.

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